Tear Stains
Have you ever cried uncontrollably? Have you ever cried yourself to sleep for countless nights in a row? Have you ever cried because you could feel all your scars opening back up? Have you ever cried because you had nothing left you could do? Have you ever watched yourself cry and asked yourself who that sad girl in the mirror was? I have.
It’s funny that such strange things can make you cry like that. A memory, a lost love, a song, a single word, even a scent. And all of a sudden the tears come and you can’t stop them no matter how hard you try. It’s scary and it hurts like hell. You’re so tired of crying almost every day. But still a part of you almost doesn’t want to stop. It’s become such a regular occurance that it just feels normal. And as much as it hurts and breaks your heart it helps because it’s the only way you can let all of those feelings out. You just hold all of that misery and heartbreak in until it comes out in your tears. But it never really leaves. It just kind of lessens for a while. But until it happens you just cry and cry until you run out of tears and all that’s left is your tear stains.
It amazes me how one can cry that much in the privacy of her bedroom but still go out with her friends and put on a smile and laugh and almost feel happy. It’s such a good feeling, being happy. Truly happy. And it’s really rare and hard to come by. Because even though you can smile and laugh with your friends, at night you will always have to go back to that place where the tears are. But even that small bit of happiness is so wonderful that it’s enough for her to hold on to and keep her sane until she’s driven to that dark place again, the place where all the happiness is gone. And as bad as that place is it’s not the worst. The worst is still holding onto that happiness but knowing that soon it will be gone until she can finally go out with her friends and be free and happy if only for a little while.
But that happiness is worth it. It’s what gives you hope and reminds you that there is a life waiting for that’s nothing like the one your living and it’s close and you’ll e there soon. And those tear stains will always be there to remind you of the fact that you made it through all that pain. Somehow you survived and in the end were better off. Well, hopefully. I haven’t made it to the end yet so I can’t be sure but I have to hold on to that hope and optimism. I’ll let you know if I was right when I get to the end.
